Frequently Asked Questions
(So far)

Q: What's the deal? Is J. Grant still going to update FLEM?
A: Yes. Two Lumps is a completely separate comic. FLEM is currently on haitus for different reasons, and will soon go on as usual.

Q: Who's this Mel Hynes person? Isn't J. doing the comic all by himself?
A: (From Mel) Hi. That'd be me, the writer. J. is the ar-teest in this venture, I handle the words. I also handle all the site changes, run the message board, do all the general code-type things. Those of you who are old FLEM fans may also know me as the FoD. There's been a glut of commentary in various places along the lines of the above questions, although most of it is more like "J. Grant's writing style seems to have changed, but he still rules! I don't know how he does this by himself!" This has started honking both he and I off in a large way (since it's a bit insulting to us both), thus the new FAQ entry. J.'s writing style is very much his own, and everyone who has denied/overlooked my existence owes me a beer. We'll both call that even. ;)

Q: Are Ebenezer and Snooch real?
A: Yes. Their real names are Raistlin and Caramon, but those are trademarked fiction characters.

Q: Why a cat comic? Aren't there enough of those already?
A: Yes, but we don't really care. Garfield and a few others do cheap, wholesome, bland feel-good comics. As you know, neither of us is given to that kind of humor.

Q: What have you got against Garfield?
A: (From J) It's not fucking funny to anyone over the age of 8. In fact, many of the cherished "Classic Funnies" still being run aren't actually funny at all. Marmaduke, Blondie, The Family Circus... the list goes on. I find this stagnation absolutely revolting, and Two Lumps is one of my ways of spreading actual humor.

A: (From Mel) That and the fact that Davis has fully admitted in interviews that he created the series not to be funny, but to be profitable. While I admire the cojones it takes to attempt that, I'd still rather read and create something funny.

Q: Will you link to my cartoon/website/livejournal?
A: Sure, if we like your work and think it has merit.

Q: How about if I just link to you? I demand you link me back link me back link me now now now!
A: Die, whore.

Q: Can I use your art to make LJ icons?
A: Permission Granted. You owe us each a beer.

Q: Can I use your art for any other purpose?
A: Unless one of us gives explicit permission, all content on this site is Copyright James L. Grant and Mel Hynes, and all rights are reserved.

Q: Can I direct link your images?
A: We have no problem with it in theory. HOWEVER, you probably won't be able to do so. This happens a LOT nowadays. Our hosting service blocks all direct linking by default.

Q: But how come when I direct link it, I can see it embedded in my LJ/site/porn gallery?
A: Because you're a moron. You're looking at a cached image. Everyone else will see a microscopic white square.

Q: Is this your roast beef?
A: The streetcar goes up the hill at midnight.

Q: How can I contact the creators with accolades/questions/indecent proposals/free beer?
A: The creators are J. Grant and Mel Hynes. Keep in mind that if you use an email subject line like "Hi!", you're at high risk of getting snagged by a spam filter. Mentioning "Two Lumps" in the subject will help. Alternately, if you just want to talk to the cats, they can be reached via their LiveJournal.

Q: Do you have any banners I can use to link your site?
A: Sure. Knock yourself out:

Q: Do you have any wallpaper images?
A: We've now got Carpet Ship wallpaper at 1024x768 and 1280x1024, and Snooch "Scream" wallpaper at 1024x768 and 1028x1064. Go crazy.